By Irvine Syazyombo
Unbearable congestion on the passenger train is normal. It is as hot as an oven inside the coaches. Because of overcrowding the vast majority of passengers have to stand along the isle.
The train is extremely dirty too. There is shit all the time on the toilet pans so the whole train reeks of a combination human waste, bad breath, shoes and sweat.
Passengers who are on long journeys of over 600 kilometers in that third world country have to endure the congestion and stench for four days because the diesel locomotive engine cannot zoom on the old fragile track.
If there is a derailed goods train ahead, the passenger train will ram into the wagons because of poor communication.
Meanwhile, passengers will have to spend a day or so before the derailed train is moved to have the track repaired.
Having seen problems of this nature,the new government employed a professor from a prestigious western university as CEO so that he corrects the situation.
The country with eighty percent of her citizens desperately poor also borrowed heavily so that when the railway system is changed into an electric one, doing business would be made cheaper, thereby boosting economic growth .
Little did authorities know that Professor Chilize had his own selfish ideas. He seized that opportunity to amass wealth.
Firstly, from a poor country awash with street kids, orphans begging in public places ,street venders earning half a dollar a day from selling little merchandize like sweets, vegetables and roasted cassava, and starving small scale farmers who have to eat grass to see another sunrise, Chilize demanded to be paid $600 000 per annum.
Professor Chilize also demanded that the railway company rent a house for him at $170000 annually. Clif Chilize also demanded ten air tickets per year to wonder with his wife anywhere on the globe.
Surprisingly, the company met all the crazy expenses before the CEO extended his greed to the capital he was supposed to use to change obsolete rail transport to electric trains.
Without caring what impact the loan would have on the tax payer, the learned man orchestrated frequent fraudulent board meetings which gobbled $150, 000 per month.
Two board members would meet at any of their increasing mistresses’ homes to frolic, dine and wine. After that they would inform the CEO who would readily pay hefty sitting allowances without any minutes to justify the expenses.
When the scandal reached the public domain, the CEO accused his board members of corruption. They in turn also smeared graft charges on him.
Disgusted, the government suspended Professor Chilize to give freedom to his board members to uncover his corruption misdeeds like the numerous air tickets the company bought for him to wonder with his wife from south to North Pole.
Authorities also need to find out how much of the borrowed money has been squandered by the irresponsible CEO and his board members.
For now, Passengers will have to cope with the increasingly congested slow train until the track is turned into an electric one. That is ,if Clif Chilize has not squandered all the money his government borrowed specifically for railway infrastructure.
Wednesday, 24 April 2013
Sunday, 21 April 2013
Ritualistic bishop brutally murders taxi driver
By Irvine Syazyombo
Three men who were wearing blue suits and carrying a brief case each strolled into the shopping mall to hire a taxi.
As soon as they approached a taxi rank, twelve young men with car keys in their hands rushed and surrounded the trio with various offers to persuasively have their taxis hired.
The three middle aged men chose a slim young man, Mwenya, to whom they announced their destination.
“Take us to Kalindu Township,” one of them ordered.
The young taxi driver hastily slumped into the driver’s seat .The three passengers hurriedly boarded too before the car sped off.
After they had driven for about ten minutes through the third world city, the man in the front drivers’ seat suddenly drew a gun and pointed it to the head of the driver.
“Take us to the outskirts of the city,” Chandwe who was also a bishop of the Antiock Church Pentecostal Water Ministries, ordered.
Shocked, Mwenya had no option but to take them to their destination.
When they reached the destination, the bishop ordered Mwenya to walk into the bush with the revolver held to the back of his head.
When they were in the bush, Bishop Chandwe ordered his two disciples to tie the young man’s hands and legs ‘so that work for God’ could be carried out.
They also stuffed pieces of cloth into the victim’s mouth so that he could not be heard screaming.
The two muscular men firmly held the poor weak young man by the legs and arms while the bishop stripped the victim before slicing off his scrotum and penis which organs would mysteriously help him grow rich.
Overwhelmed with pain, Mwenya kicked helplessly but it was too late.He fainted before the three ‘holy men’ cut off the head, peeled off the facial skin and plucked the eyes from the sockets which could help the bishop ‘see through worshipers lives as prophesy’.
After the gruesome murder of the innocent man, ‘the man of God’ put the human parts in his briefcase before the murderers left the corpse to rot in the open.
It was after a month when a woman discovered the body in a decomposed state. Fellow taxi drivers only recognized the body because of the familiar clothes the deceased had won on the fateful day.
The next day was Sunday. Bishop Chandwe preached and healed congregants of chronic illnesses and paralysis. Cripples abandoned wheelchairs and crutches. The dumb talked. The deaf heard. The blind saw. To others he prophesied riches and prosperity.
To some ill people he gave ‘holy water’, mortuary waste after washing corpses, which contaminated liquid he had bought from a mortuary attendant.
With the ‘presence of the holy spirit’, numerous congregants became limp and dizzy before falling onto the floor with the support of the bishop’s henchmen.
It soon became a confusion of limp people staggering, reeling, rolling on the floor and screaming while the bishop prayed in incomprehensible tongues.
Having seen the miracles and experienced ‘God’s’ presence, hundreds of congregants filled a ten waste paper basket with cash. They would give more tithes and offerings next Sunday.
Three men who were wearing blue suits and carrying a brief case each strolled into the shopping mall to hire a taxi.
As soon as they approached a taxi rank, twelve young men with car keys in their hands rushed and surrounded the trio with various offers to persuasively have their taxis hired.
The three middle aged men chose a slim young man, Mwenya, to whom they announced their destination.
“Take us to Kalindu Township,” one of them ordered.
The young taxi driver hastily slumped into the driver’s seat .The three passengers hurriedly boarded too before the car sped off.
After they had driven for about ten minutes through the third world city, the man in the front drivers’ seat suddenly drew a gun and pointed it to the head of the driver.
“Take us to the outskirts of the city,” Chandwe who was also a bishop of the Antiock Church Pentecostal Water Ministries, ordered.
Shocked, Mwenya had no option but to take them to their destination.
When they reached the destination, the bishop ordered Mwenya to walk into the bush with the revolver held to the back of his head.
When they were in the bush, Bishop Chandwe ordered his two disciples to tie the young man’s hands and legs ‘so that work for God’ could be carried out.
They also stuffed pieces of cloth into the victim’s mouth so that he could not be heard screaming.
The two muscular men firmly held the poor weak young man by the legs and arms while the bishop stripped the victim before slicing off his scrotum and penis which organs would mysteriously help him grow rich.
Overwhelmed with pain, Mwenya kicked helplessly but it was too late.He fainted before the three ‘holy men’ cut off the head, peeled off the facial skin and plucked the eyes from the sockets which could help the bishop ‘see through worshipers lives as prophesy’.
After the gruesome murder of the innocent man, ‘the man of God’ put the human parts in his briefcase before the murderers left the corpse to rot in the open.
It was after a month when a woman discovered the body in a decomposed state. Fellow taxi drivers only recognized the body because of the familiar clothes the deceased had won on the fateful day.
The next day was Sunday. Bishop Chandwe preached and healed congregants of chronic illnesses and paralysis. Cripples abandoned wheelchairs and crutches. The dumb talked. The deaf heard. The blind saw. To others he prophesied riches and prosperity.
To some ill people he gave ‘holy water’, mortuary waste after washing corpses, which contaminated liquid he had bought from a mortuary attendant.
With the ‘presence of the holy spirit’, numerous congregants became limp and dizzy before falling onto the floor with the support of the bishop’s henchmen.
It soon became a confusion of limp people staggering, reeling, rolling on the floor and screaming while the bishop prayed in incomprehensible tongues.
Having seen the miracles and experienced ‘God’s’ presence, hundreds of congregants filled a ten waste paper basket with cash. They would give more tithes and offerings next Sunday.
Thursday, 4 April 2013
Corrupt adulterous policeman battered
By Irvine Syazyombo
Maggie had been at home the whole day waiting anxiously for her husband. He had gone to the bank for his salary in the morning.
She paced around the kitchen which had only three plates, two spoons and one handle less pot resting on an old coffee table.
The cooker was a only a coil resting on three stones ,yet connected with insulated wire to the cooker switch.
The floor had random pot holes because the house was one of the buildings which had been built by colonialists long before the country’s independence.
Sitting room furniture comprised a deformed twenty-liter plastic container and a broken stool in the middle of the room.
That was where she was, sitting on the container just after sunset, when Maggie heard some noise outside her house in a densely populated township.
Her house was located on the main road in a small town of a self styled christian third world country. About five hundred meters down the road was a shopping center where there was a tavern.
Maggie’s husband, Chola, a handsome tall slim high school teacher, had staggered out of the tavern half an hour earlier before a group of his pupils found him lying bare-chested and open- mouthed, like a corpse, at the road side.
Flies were frolicking, walking, flying and crawling in and out of his mouth like typical rash hour traffic in a developed city.
His trousers had been soiled after he had lain, rolled and crawled at the road side .Suddenly, in broad day light, darkness struck his eyes…On lookers, some of whom had been taught by the thirty five year old teacher, either pitied or laughed at the disgusting sight.
Concerned that they might lose their commerce teacher, the boys and girls borrowed a wheel barrow from a shop owner before they wheeled the drunken teacher home.
The dirty old wheel barrow which had earlier carried cement, garbage and bricks, loudly squeaked as the boys roughly pushed it into pot holes and onto stones on and off the road to toss the drunken man up, down left and right.
That time the group of pupils freely called him monkey, the nick name they had secretly given him, because he was incapable of punishing them in his unconscious state.
One of Chola’s senior secondary school classes had nicknamed him that because of his subhuman behavior whenever he drank beer.
When the boys arrived, Maggie could tell from the noise outside that everything had gone wrong. There was no need for the pupils to knock at the door to announce their arrival.
When the stout woman with a heavy behind and an attractive face opened the front door, she was not moved at the usual sight of her bare-chested husband on a filthy wheel barrow.
She was convinced that an illicit brewer must have grabbed his shirt for failing to pay for the beer he had gulped right at the month-end.
Whenever he drank beer, Maggie cursed the blind love that had made her marry him. She passionately hated the nasty alcoholism. No wonder each time he drunkenly misbehaved, she furiously manhandled him.
That moment was not an exception. She flared into a rage and grabbed the dirty dizzy hapless man who left a pool of ‘water ‘on the wheel barrow.
“It has rained on this wheelbarrow alone! There was a thunderstorm on the wheelbarrow!!” the boys and girls chanted.
The shouts further infuriated Maggie who hauled the drunkard into the house and locked the door before flogging him with a cane.
The man who had drunk a despicable abnormally portent illicit brew in the afternoon before boastfully sipping at a bottle of a reputable beer, only realized in the morning when he was staggering into the sitting room that his buttocks and calves were swollen and painful.
But when he asked his wife, who was resting on the plastic container after sweeping the house and yard, she was rudely unresponsive.
“I am asking you again. Who beat me like a dog yesterday?” he demanded.
“I am not your body guard to know who clobbered you like a donkey, mouse or dog where and how,” she retorted.
The teacher carefully sat on his right thigh on the stool next to his wife so that he could continue speculating what had made his buttocks and calves untouchably painful.
He had so many unanswered questions…Who brought him home? What time was it? Why was he beaten and by who? Who took away the whole of his salary?
Unfortunately no one, let alone his distressed and starving wife, would tell him what had happened the previous night.
Suddenly he felt hungry because he had only taken snacks since supper two days before.
“Give me food! I am hungry!” Chola demanded.
“You were paid only yesterday but you do not have even a single note on you. I searched all pockets of the urine smelling trousers you wore yesterday but I found nothing at all. Absolutely no money!” she said vehemently.
She was sure the alcoholism had been a result of devilish powers influencing his life.
“Only demons that guide you to pubs might know who ransacked your pockets when you were a twenty four carat idiot yesterday. Give me money for food first if you want to eat! Or else you will have to continue fasting,” she snarled.
Maggie could not bear the beer- reeking breath anymore, so she stood up to go outside for fresh air. Before she reached the door, her husband suddenly rose and hurled the only piece of furniture .The stool violently hit Maggie on the back.
The woman heavily crashed onto the floor but sprung up before seizing the man by the throat and wrestling with him.
She roughly laid him on his back and ‘crash-landed’ her heavy behind on his belly while raining punches on his torso and face.
He struggled and punched her on the nose and mouth so that she started bleeding. The blood from the nose and mouth stained her white blouse which further infuriated her.
“I will report you to the police so that they also add salt and pepper to the relish of discipline I have given you. It seems you need extra discipline!” she screamed.
The angry woman stormed out of the house but her husband ran and caught up with her at the road side where they violently exchanged blows, wrestled and rolled on the ground until passersby intervened.
Soon a growing mob that wielded sticks and stones grabbed and pummeled Chola before dragging him to the nearby police station where he was detained.
After the noisy mob had witnessed the drunkard getting detained in a police cell, they departed. Therefore Maggie was just left with the officer on duty, constable Sitali.
The short slim man suddenly smiled at Maggie barely a few minutes after he had viciously and repeatedly slapped her husband on the back and face before locking him behind bars like a beast.
She knew that so many men would hardly resist her beauty. And from his smile, she read that he would not be an excerption.
What the constable did not understand was that Maggie had absolutely read his mind through the tale-tell smile. By the time he opened his mouth to say something, she had already known what to expect. She was not caught off hand.
Of course she did not expect him to sing praises about her husband who was languishing in a police cell.
“You have seen what kind of beast you chose to marry. What was going on in your brain? You are outstandingly beautiful. It takes someone who does not deserve you to treat you like an animal,” he emphasized ‘animal’ with gestures.
“I do not know what made me fall prey to that idiot. I did not think twice. Moreover you cannot tell the book by its cover,” she said vehemently.
Constable Sitali went out of the inquiries room to the bench on which Maggie was so that he could sit close to her.
“Me, I truly love you. Forget the idiot in our police cell. I will marry you. The beast is going to prison. You drive me crazy,” Constable Sitali said seductively before handing her $50,part of the $100 bribe he had extorted from a desperate suspect.
Maggie smiled. It was particularly hard for her to reject the person who readily gave her money she desperately needed, who also could provide a potential respite from the antics of her drunken penniless husband.
It was stone hard to reject the person who was the only hope at the time her hubby had nothing to offer her apart from mental torture.
No wonder when the constable touched her hand, she did not resist at all. Apparently she had also expected the ‘good news’ from the policeman. Certainly it came on the very right day.
That was suitable because Chola who had been detained on Friday, would only be released on bond, on Monday. Therefore Sitali had all the time to go on a three night honey moon with Maggie.
Certainly, he spent three nights with the woman in her matrimonial bedroom. On Monday morning, the constable slept in.
Meanwhile, having been released on police bond at 08 00 hours, Chola ,who was visibly remorseful about his stupidity , hurried home so that he could apologize , plead for forgiveness and persuade his wife to withdraw the case from the police.
He would readily offer to be caned by her if she was still annoyed. What mattered was having the case withdrawn from the police.
When he reached his house, the front door was open. As he walked across the sitting room, he wondered how his wife would receive his heartfelt apology. Would she attack him? Would she pack her belongings and go back to her parents?
If she did…he could not finish his thought because by then he was walking into his bedroom where he suddenly saw the police constable who had detained him lying in his matrimonial bed.
Chola pounced on the policeman who was half naked in bed. The two men wrestled kicked, punched and elbowed each other. Suddenly they crashed onto the floor.
The constable landed head first on the rough floor and Chola who was comfortably on top of his opponent endlessly rained more punches on the head.
By the time Maggie entered the bedroom from the bathroom with only a bath towel around her waiste, both men were already bleeding from the nose and mouth. Soon a mob gathered outside.
Since the groaning, thuds, clicking and stamping noises increased inside the house, men burst into the bedroom to drag the fighters apart.
Because most of the men in the mob hated the policeman for sleeping with their wives, the mob dragged him outside and beat him with whatever object they laid hands on.
While the adulterer was being pummeled to unconsciousness by angry men, the bare-breasted adulteress escaped through the bedroom window.
By the time riot police arrived, the mob had sufficiently vented their anger on the adulterer. Therefore they did not fight the riot police. Instead they dispersed lest some should be arrested for battering the adulterous police constable.
Maggie had been at home the whole day waiting anxiously for her husband. He had gone to the bank for his salary in the morning.
She paced around the kitchen which had only three plates, two spoons and one handle less pot resting on an old coffee table.
The cooker was a only a coil resting on three stones ,yet connected with insulated wire to the cooker switch.
The floor had random pot holes because the house was one of the buildings which had been built by colonialists long before the country’s independence.
Sitting room furniture comprised a deformed twenty-liter plastic container and a broken stool in the middle of the room.
That was where she was, sitting on the container just after sunset, when Maggie heard some noise outside her house in a densely populated township.
Her house was located on the main road in a small town of a self styled christian third world country. About five hundred meters down the road was a shopping center where there was a tavern.
Maggie’s husband, Chola, a handsome tall slim high school teacher, had staggered out of the tavern half an hour earlier before a group of his pupils found him lying bare-chested and open- mouthed, like a corpse, at the road side.
Flies were frolicking, walking, flying and crawling in and out of his mouth like typical rash hour traffic in a developed city.
His trousers had been soiled after he had lain, rolled and crawled at the road side .Suddenly, in broad day light, darkness struck his eyes…On lookers, some of whom had been taught by the thirty five year old teacher, either pitied or laughed at the disgusting sight.
Concerned that they might lose their commerce teacher, the boys and girls borrowed a wheel barrow from a shop owner before they wheeled the drunken teacher home.
The dirty old wheel barrow which had earlier carried cement, garbage and bricks, loudly squeaked as the boys roughly pushed it into pot holes and onto stones on and off the road to toss the drunken man up, down left and right.
That time the group of pupils freely called him monkey, the nick name they had secretly given him, because he was incapable of punishing them in his unconscious state.
One of Chola’s senior secondary school classes had nicknamed him that because of his subhuman behavior whenever he drank beer.
When the boys arrived, Maggie could tell from the noise outside that everything had gone wrong. There was no need for the pupils to knock at the door to announce their arrival.
When the stout woman with a heavy behind and an attractive face opened the front door, she was not moved at the usual sight of her bare-chested husband on a filthy wheel barrow.
She was convinced that an illicit brewer must have grabbed his shirt for failing to pay for the beer he had gulped right at the month-end.
Whenever he drank beer, Maggie cursed the blind love that had made her marry him. She passionately hated the nasty alcoholism. No wonder each time he drunkenly misbehaved, she furiously manhandled him.
That moment was not an exception. She flared into a rage and grabbed the dirty dizzy hapless man who left a pool of ‘water ‘on the wheel barrow.
“It has rained on this wheelbarrow alone! There was a thunderstorm on the wheelbarrow!!” the boys and girls chanted.
The shouts further infuriated Maggie who hauled the drunkard into the house and locked the door before flogging him with a cane.
The man who had drunk a despicable abnormally portent illicit brew in the afternoon before boastfully sipping at a bottle of a reputable beer, only realized in the morning when he was staggering into the sitting room that his buttocks and calves were swollen and painful.
But when he asked his wife, who was resting on the plastic container after sweeping the house and yard, she was rudely unresponsive.
“I am asking you again. Who beat me like a dog yesterday?” he demanded.
“I am not your body guard to know who clobbered you like a donkey, mouse or dog where and how,” she retorted.
The teacher carefully sat on his right thigh on the stool next to his wife so that he could continue speculating what had made his buttocks and calves untouchably painful.
He had so many unanswered questions…Who brought him home? What time was it? Why was he beaten and by who? Who took away the whole of his salary?
Unfortunately no one, let alone his distressed and starving wife, would tell him what had happened the previous night.
Suddenly he felt hungry because he had only taken snacks since supper two days before.
“Give me food! I am hungry!” Chola demanded.
“You were paid only yesterday but you do not have even a single note on you. I searched all pockets of the urine smelling trousers you wore yesterday but I found nothing at all. Absolutely no money!” she said vehemently.
She was sure the alcoholism had been a result of devilish powers influencing his life.
“Only demons that guide you to pubs might know who ransacked your pockets when you were a twenty four carat idiot yesterday. Give me money for food first if you want to eat! Or else you will have to continue fasting,” she snarled.
Maggie could not bear the beer- reeking breath anymore, so she stood up to go outside for fresh air. Before she reached the door, her husband suddenly rose and hurled the only piece of furniture .The stool violently hit Maggie on the back.
The woman heavily crashed onto the floor but sprung up before seizing the man by the throat and wrestling with him.
She roughly laid him on his back and ‘crash-landed’ her heavy behind on his belly while raining punches on his torso and face.
He struggled and punched her on the nose and mouth so that she started bleeding. The blood from the nose and mouth stained her white blouse which further infuriated her.
“I will report you to the police so that they also add salt and pepper to the relish of discipline I have given you. It seems you need extra discipline!” she screamed.
The angry woman stormed out of the house but her husband ran and caught up with her at the road side where they violently exchanged blows, wrestled and rolled on the ground until passersby intervened.
Soon a growing mob that wielded sticks and stones grabbed and pummeled Chola before dragging him to the nearby police station where he was detained.
After the noisy mob had witnessed the drunkard getting detained in a police cell, they departed. Therefore Maggie was just left with the officer on duty, constable Sitali.
The short slim man suddenly smiled at Maggie barely a few minutes after he had viciously and repeatedly slapped her husband on the back and face before locking him behind bars like a beast.
She knew that so many men would hardly resist her beauty. And from his smile, she read that he would not be an excerption.
What the constable did not understand was that Maggie had absolutely read his mind through the tale-tell smile. By the time he opened his mouth to say something, she had already known what to expect. She was not caught off hand.
Of course she did not expect him to sing praises about her husband who was languishing in a police cell.
“You have seen what kind of beast you chose to marry. What was going on in your brain? You are outstandingly beautiful. It takes someone who does not deserve you to treat you like an animal,” he emphasized ‘animal’ with gestures.
“I do not know what made me fall prey to that idiot. I did not think twice. Moreover you cannot tell the book by its cover,” she said vehemently.
Constable Sitali went out of the inquiries room to the bench on which Maggie was so that he could sit close to her.
“Me, I truly love you. Forget the idiot in our police cell. I will marry you. The beast is going to prison. You drive me crazy,” Constable Sitali said seductively before handing her $50,part of the $100 bribe he had extorted from a desperate suspect.
Maggie smiled. It was particularly hard for her to reject the person who readily gave her money she desperately needed, who also could provide a potential respite from the antics of her drunken penniless husband.
It was stone hard to reject the person who was the only hope at the time her hubby had nothing to offer her apart from mental torture.
No wonder when the constable touched her hand, she did not resist at all. Apparently she had also expected the ‘good news’ from the policeman. Certainly it came on the very right day.
That was suitable because Chola who had been detained on Friday, would only be released on bond, on Monday. Therefore Sitali had all the time to go on a three night honey moon with Maggie.
Certainly, he spent three nights with the woman in her matrimonial bedroom. On Monday morning, the constable slept in.
Meanwhile, having been released on police bond at 08 00 hours, Chola ,who was visibly remorseful about his stupidity , hurried home so that he could apologize , plead for forgiveness and persuade his wife to withdraw the case from the police.
He would readily offer to be caned by her if she was still annoyed. What mattered was having the case withdrawn from the police.
When he reached his house, the front door was open. As he walked across the sitting room, he wondered how his wife would receive his heartfelt apology. Would she attack him? Would she pack her belongings and go back to her parents?
If she did…he could not finish his thought because by then he was walking into his bedroom where he suddenly saw the police constable who had detained him lying in his matrimonial bed.
Chola pounced on the policeman who was half naked in bed. The two men wrestled kicked, punched and elbowed each other. Suddenly they crashed onto the floor.
The constable landed head first on the rough floor and Chola who was comfortably on top of his opponent endlessly rained more punches on the head.
By the time Maggie entered the bedroom from the bathroom with only a bath towel around her waiste, both men were already bleeding from the nose and mouth. Soon a mob gathered outside.
Since the groaning, thuds, clicking and stamping noises increased inside the house, men burst into the bedroom to drag the fighters apart.
Because most of the men in the mob hated the policeman for sleeping with their wives, the mob dragged him outside and beat him with whatever object they laid hands on.
While the adulterer was being pummeled to unconsciousness by angry men, the bare-breasted adulteress escaped through the bedroom window.
By the time riot police arrived, the mob had sufficiently vented their anger on the adulterer. Therefore they did not fight the riot police. Instead they dispersed lest some should be arrested for battering the adulterous police constable.
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