Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Prophet anoints Maria's private parts
By Irvine Syazyombo
The congregation was expectedly massive that Sunday morning. Thousands of People were eager to receive their individual miracles from Pastor Gondwe.
The big Pentecostal church of a third world country thunderously chorused an emotional song before breaking into nonexistent languages, which no one understood, to imitate biblical tongues and pretend to be filled by the holy spirit.
While the pretentious congregation struggled to outdo one another in jumping, shaking and shouting, Pastor Gondwe went round touching individuals on foreheads who collapsed instantly.
He prophesied endlessly, “I can see a woman who has failed to get married! This is your month. You will receive a love proposal this afternoon.”
“Someone has been jobless since graduation from university five years ago. God has answered your prayer. You will get a job before Christmas,” he prophesied.
Then he reached a beautiful scantily dressed thirteen year old girl who was screaming, shivering and jumping to God. He stopped suddenly.
“I can see a spirit of bad luck in your life. You need to stay after church so that I pray for you else you will never marry, let alone get a job later in your life” he said prophetically and everybody praised God for the revelation.
After the morning worship service, Pastor Gondwe called Maria into the privacy of his office at the far end of the church ‘to pray and exorcise her of the evil spirit’.
In the privacy of his office, the man of God stood near the girl whom he touched with the right hand on the head while shouting and shivering.
When he broke into tongues, the hand also stated descending .Suddenly it stopped on her tiny breasts… The hand took time exploring the blouse until he had unbuttoned it to enjoy touching the tiny breasts.
“I command the spirit of bad luck which your aunt cast on you to leave,” he shouted.
“Amen,” Maria replied.
Then the pastor put both his arms tightly around her waist ,pulled her against his groin and prayed more vigorously and louder.
“Bad lucky go! Go! Go!” he said repeatedly.
Suddenly he let go and went to his desk, pulled a drawer and got a bottle of anointing oil.
He held it high above his head and prayed harder in lengthy tongues while advancing to the girl until his left arm was tight around her waist.
“Just take it easy as I have to anoint your private part for you to have good luck, marry and prosper in life. Just undress,” he said boldly.
Maria could not bear the idea of a dark future, so she faithfully closed her eyes while he smeared anointing oil with his fingers on her private parts.
But her prayers were interrupted when she felt the anointment suddenly change into sexual intercourse. Her prayer burst into sharp screaming that startled people in the church and surrounding houses.
Suddenly her parents who had been waiting in the church burst into the office to the shock of finding ‘the man of God’ bathing in sweating while vigorously raping the struggling girl.
Then Maria’s mother and father and a few Christians dragged the evil pastor into the church where thousands of worshippers were waiting for their turn of private pastoral prayers.
The sheep beat up their shepherd until police came to his rescue. From that time on people of that country have taken serious precautions before heeding pastors.
They learned in a disgusting and harrowing way that false prophets are on a rampage preying on gullible people.
"My darling,beat your wife"
By Irvine Syazyombo
The waiter served Bupe with chicken, chips and an expensive soft drink. By then Maggie had been enjoying her sausage and sipping a drink for about three minutes.
Bupe was sitting opposite his mistress across the table in a high cost restaurant chatting romantically before he drove her to the one room shack he had secretly been renting her for a year in a third world city.
At midnight Bupe pleaded with Maggie to leave because he could not spend the night in that city and go punctually to another town for work.
“Work is not the reason you cannot spend the whole night with me. Bupe you know you do not love me at all. You only love that monkey you call your wife,” Maggie charged.
“That is not true. I cannot love that gorilla more than I love you. Never. Darling you should know you are the only one I love,” he said before kissing her on the forehead.
He jumped out of bed in which lay Maggie who had barely covered herself with a bed sheet from feet to the belly. She looked on as he dressed up.
But she had something to demand before he stepped out of the room.
“You said it yourself that you love me more than anyone else. Honey, if you really love me, beat your wife for me,” she said with emphasis on the word ‘beat’.
Bupe just nodded in response before he strutted out to his car.
As the primary school teacher drove home he wondered how he was going to survive up to the end of the month because the bank from which he had staggeringly borrowed to buy the Spacio saloon car had substantially deducted his salary.
From the $50 equivalent of the local currency he had only remained with $25 after ostentatiously buying expensive food and paying rent for Maggie. He wondered how he was going to pay his $40 equivalent house rent .
There was no time to mind wander about food, water and electricity bills because the car soon arrived while honking in front of his house.
That day he thought it pointless to tell his twenty five year old beautiful wife, his former pupil he had impregnated out of school, Angela, lies about where he had spent most of the night.
The thirty two year- old man was determined to fulfill the wife battering promise. Nothing would stop him from doing anything that would make Maggie happy.
By the time he had closed locked the car, Angela his wife had already opened the front door and was waiting for him to go in.
He stormed past her into the sitting room to see what food she had prepared for him on the coffee table.
Having discovered that she had cooked nshima (hard porridge) with pumpkin leaves, Bupe turned furiously to his a face his wife.
“Where have you been…”
A violent slap in the face, kick on the side and punch on the nose punctuated her question before Angela crashed on the floor.
He repeatedly kicked her on the sides and violently stamped on her head while she screamed until she lost her voice.
Bupe’s seven year old son, Boyd, three year and two year old daughters Liness and Getrude respectively burst into the sitting room to prostrate and scream at the shock of seeing their mother being battered by their father.
Only when he accidentally hit his son with a back hand stroke in the confusion did he divert his attention thereby relieving Angela.
In the morning he left his wife groaning between life and death in bed and went for work.
After school he borrowed some money from a friend and bought fuel to drive so that he could narrate the good beating news while spending quality time with Maggie again.
At mid night Bupe and his mistress were startled by an unfriendly knock at the door and a roaring voice which Maggie unquestionably recognized.
“That is my fiancé. No doubt. He is the one who found this single room for me. I do not know what to do now”, she said while shivering.
“Why have you not told me …..”
“He is indeed a man. You are right .He was a black belt fifth dan karate panther by the time he completed high school, won all weight lifting contests at a business college before becoming a commando. For now we should worry about who is going to be clobbered most,” she interrupted fearfully.
Bupe hurriedly put on his shorts, grubbed his trousers, shirt and jacket and rushed to hide against the wall behind the weakly fastened door that flung open seconds later.
Once the soldier stormed inside, Bupe leapt out and zoomed past his car into the night. The soldier closely pursued.
Suddenly Bupe fell into drainage and broke his leg before the towering soldier punched, kicked, kneed and stamped him like a stray dog.
By the time he gained consciousness, Bupe had been hospitalized for six hours. He spent a month with his mother’s attention at his bed side.
When he recovered and returned home, Bupe apologized to his wife and vowed never to be promiscuous or beat her again.
The waiter served Bupe with chicken, chips and an expensive soft drink. By then Maggie had been enjoying her sausage and sipping a drink for about three minutes.
Bupe was sitting opposite his mistress across the table in a high cost restaurant chatting romantically before he drove her to the one room shack he had secretly been renting her for a year in a third world city.
At midnight Bupe pleaded with Maggie to leave because he could not spend the night in that city and go punctually to another town for work.
“Work is not the reason you cannot spend the whole night with me. Bupe you know you do not love me at all. You only love that monkey you call your wife,” Maggie charged.
“That is not true. I cannot love that gorilla more than I love you. Never. Darling you should know you are the only one I love,” he said before kissing her on the forehead.
He jumped out of bed in which lay Maggie who had barely covered herself with a bed sheet from feet to the belly. She looked on as he dressed up.
But she had something to demand before he stepped out of the room.
“You said it yourself that you love me more than anyone else. Honey, if you really love me, beat your wife for me,” she said with emphasis on the word ‘beat’.
Bupe just nodded in response before he strutted out to his car.
As the primary school teacher drove home he wondered how he was going to survive up to the end of the month because the bank from which he had staggeringly borrowed to buy the Spacio saloon car had substantially deducted his salary.
From the $50 equivalent of the local currency he had only remained with $25 after ostentatiously buying expensive food and paying rent for Maggie. He wondered how he was going to pay his $40 equivalent house rent .
There was no time to mind wander about food, water and electricity bills because the car soon arrived while honking in front of his house.
That day he thought it pointless to tell his twenty five year old beautiful wife, his former pupil he had impregnated out of school, Angela, lies about where he had spent most of the night.
The thirty two year- old man was determined to fulfill the wife battering promise. Nothing would stop him from doing anything that would make Maggie happy.
By the time he had closed locked the car, Angela his wife had already opened the front door and was waiting for him to go in.
He stormed past her into the sitting room to see what food she had prepared for him on the coffee table.
Having discovered that she had cooked nshima (hard porridge) with pumpkin leaves, Bupe turned furiously to his a face his wife.
“Where have you been…”
A violent slap in the face, kick on the side and punch on the nose punctuated her question before Angela crashed on the floor.
He repeatedly kicked her on the sides and violently stamped on her head while she screamed until she lost her voice.
Bupe’s seven year old son, Boyd, three year and two year old daughters Liness and Getrude respectively burst into the sitting room to prostrate and scream at the shock of seeing their mother being battered by their father.
Only when he accidentally hit his son with a back hand stroke in the confusion did he divert his attention thereby relieving Angela.
In the morning he left his wife groaning between life and death in bed and went for work.
After school he borrowed some money from a friend and bought fuel to drive so that he could narrate the good beating news while spending quality time with Maggie again.
At mid night Bupe and his mistress were startled by an unfriendly knock at the door and a roaring voice which Maggie unquestionably recognized.
“That is my fiancé. No doubt. He is the one who found this single room for me. I do not know what to do now”, she said while shivering.
“Why have you not told me …..”
“He is indeed a man. You are right .He was a black belt fifth dan karate panther by the time he completed high school, won all weight lifting contests at a business college before becoming a commando. For now we should worry about who is going to be clobbered most,” she interrupted fearfully.
Bupe hurriedly put on his shorts, grubbed his trousers, shirt and jacket and rushed to hide against the wall behind the weakly fastened door that flung open seconds later.
Once the soldier stormed inside, Bupe leapt out and zoomed past his car into the night. The soldier closely pursued.
Suddenly Bupe fell into drainage and broke his leg before the towering soldier punched, kicked, kneed and stamped him like a stray dog.
By the time he gained consciousness, Bupe had been hospitalized for six hours. He spent a month with his mother’s attention at his bed side.
When he recovered and returned home, Bupe apologized to his wife and vowed never to be promiscuous or beat her again.
Cheating earns hubby eternal erection
By Irvine Syazyombo
Jessie pressed her phone silent because she could not answer any of the ten desperate consecutive calls .She was frolicking with her boss in his office at one insurance Company after knocking off.
After paying sexually again for the job she had gotten three months earlier, Jessie hurried outside to hire a taxi to a guest house where her man friend had been waiting for two and a half hours.
When she checked her silent phone, the missed calls had increased to twenty. She tried to call but surprisingly Gibby did not answer.
When she reached the named guest house, Jessie hurried to the room where he had been waiting for her.
Jessie found him lying on his back and groaning with pain while tears streamed down his cheeks. On the contrary, she immediately noticed the pointed trousers below his belt which implied that the man was desperate to make love to her.
Even his language at the time sounded absolutely misplaced.
“Take me to hospital. I am dying. This thing is killing me, “he mumbled while pointing at his closed puffed up zip.
When Jessie looked at the coffee table, she saw a sachet of brown powder and an empty soft drink bottle.
“Is this a sexual booster and have you taken some of it?” she asked.
Gibby only nodded his head. He could not notice her beauty any more after he had taken two table spoonfuls of the sexual booster instead of half tea spoon as his witch doctor had prescribed.
He had taken the herb thirty minutes before Jessie’s official time for knocking off so that by the time she arrived at the guest house at 17 30 hours, he should be ready to share a life time memorable experience with her.
Having seen the despair in the man’s eyes, Jessie nervously hurried outside the guest house and hired another taxi that rushed him to hospital.
Immediately they arrived, medical staff promptly wheeled him to the intensive care unit where they discovered that the condition of his manhood had worsened because of the persistent constant erection.
The doctor on call arrived three hours later .After a few minutes, his wife, Naomi, arrived .A nurse who was her church mate had phoned her.
“You told me you were going on a business trip to South Africa. So this is South Africa where you are now suffering from a furious erection!” she screamed before violently slapping his grimaced tear-stained face.
“Don’t do that to the patient, please” the doctor pleaded.
“You call a he- goat a patient. Let me slap him again,” she insisted.
“Are you crazy? How do you slap a man in his condition?” Jessie asked vehemently.
“Why are you so concerned? Are you the one who brought him here?” Naomi asked furiously.
Immediately after she had nodded her head Naomi charged and the two women wrestled, screamed, exchanged slaps and rolled on the floor before a sentry separated them.
By the end of the fight, Gibby had long been wheeled to the theatre where his man hood was amputated because it had started rotting after six hours of constant erection.
When Gibby was taken to the male ward for more recovery five hours later, his wife was on hand to mock him.
“You are now an ox. Wonderful! You can now make arrangements to marry that bitch you have been wasting money on at the expense of your four children! As for me, I am going back to my parents,” she said firmly before storming out into the night.
Jessie pressed her phone silent because she could not answer any of the ten desperate consecutive calls .She was frolicking with her boss in his office at one insurance Company after knocking off.
After paying sexually again for the job she had gotten three months earlier, Jessie hurried outside to hire a taxi to a guest house where her man friend had been waiting for two and a half hours.
When she checked her silent phone, the missed calls had increased to twenty. She tried to call but surprisingly Gibby did not answer.
When she reached the named guest house, Jessie hurried to the room where he had been waiting for her.
Jessie found him lying on his back and groaning with pain while tears streamed down his cheeks. On the contrary, she immediately noticed the pointed trousers below his belt which implied that the man was desperate to make love to her.
Even his language at the time sounded absolutely misplaced.
“Take me to hospital. I am dying. This thing is killing me, “he mumbled while pointing at his closed puffed up zip.
When Jessie looked at the coffee table, she saw a sachet of brown powder and an empty soft drink bottle.
“Is this a sexual booster and have you taken some of it?” she asked.
Gibby only nodded his head. He could not notice her beauty any more after he had taken two table spoonfuls of the sexual booster instead of half tea spoon as his witch doctor had prescribed.
He had taken the herb thirty minutes before Jessie’s official time for knocking off so that by the time she arrived at the guest house at 17 30 hours, he should be ready to share a life time memorable experience with her.
Having seen the despair in the man’s eyes, Jessie nervously hurried outside the guest house and hired another taxi that rushed him to hospital.
Immediately they arrived, medical staff promptly wheeled him to the intensive care unit where they discovered that the condition of his manhood had worsened because of the persistent constant erection.
The doctor on call arrived three hours later .After a few minutes, his wife, Naomi, arrived .A nurse who was her church mate had phoned her.
“You told me you were going on a business trip to South Africa. So this is South Africa where you are now suffering from a furious erection!” she screamed before violently slapping his grimaced tear-stained face.
“Don’t do that to the patient, please” the doctor pleaded.
“You call a he- goat a patient. Let me slap him again,” she insisted.
“Are you crazy? How do you slap a man in his condition?” Jessie asked vehemently.
“Why are you so concerned? Are you the one who brought him here?” Naomi asked furiously.
Immediately after she had nodded her head Naomi charged and the two women wrestled, screamed, exchanged slaps and rolled on the floor before a sentry separated them.
By the end of the fight, Gibby had long been wheeled to the theatre where his man hood was amputated because it had started rotting after six hours of constant erection.
When Gibby was taken to the male ward for more recovery five hours later, his wife was on hand to mock him.
“You are now an ox. Wonderful! You can now make arrangements to marry that bitch you have been wasting money on at the expense of your four children! As for me, I am going back to my parents,” she said firmly before storming out into the night.
Monday, 14 May 2012
False prophesy causes siblings' death
By Irvine Syazyombo
When the 16 year old boy and her 18 year old sister entered the house, their father, Joshua, realized at once that something special had happened to them because they were unusually excited.
The widower whose wife had died of AIDS five years back was impatiently waiting for the good news because genuine excitement was rare in the poverty stricken Shangu City of Holi Island.
“Praise the Lord!” James shouted.
“Hallelujah! Glory to God!” Judy replied.
That even puzzled her father more. Had any of them gotten baptized? Had they been given money by any of their fellow worshippers that Sunday?
But the children passed through the sitting room where their father was but dashed straight to their individual bedrooms and reappeared with a tin of tablets each.
The children hurried outside where James threw the ARVs in the pit latrine before the two returned to the sitting room to tell their father the cause of their happiness.
Once the two children were in the sitting room again they could not keep the excitement to themselves any longer.
But they sung a Pentecostal church song before revealing the cause of their sudden joy.
“Daddy, we have been cured of HIV. We have been freed of HIV demon. We are HIV negative,” Judy revealed while James continuously nodded.
“What do you mean? Do you mean you have attended VTC and the results are negative? How possible is that anyway?” he wondered.
“What Judy has just said is the truth. We are okay starting today. We are fine,” James said confidently.
Joshua wondered what was going on. He had lived with HIV for twenty years. His two children were luckily alive since birth because of consistent ART medication .What were they suggesting when they said they were both suddenly HIV negative?
The children noticed their father’s impatience. They had to lift the lid of suspense without wasting any more time.
“Daddy, a prophet from God has prayed and exorcised us of the HIV demon .We are proudly HIV negative. We have as a result thrown the ARVs in the latrine,” James disclosed.
“What! Who is that prophet! Listen to me. That is crazy. ARVs are your lifeline. That is all. That prophet is a devil if he…”
“Daddy, do not call the man of God who has healed us of the demon of HIV a devil. He will curse you. He even prays for evil people to die,” Judy interrupted her father.
Two days later the family of three was watching television in the evening when James suddenly developed a fever .He plunged into violent fits five minutes later.
Because of his poverty, Joshua borrowed a wheelbarrow and wheeled his son to a nearby clinic where the condition of the patient became critical.
The clinic diagnosed him with tuberculosis before referring him to Shangu Teaching Hospital where he died after two days.
Mourners had just started to make burial preparations when Judy suddenly developed diarrhea.
Soon the disease worsened .Therefore the attention of the mourners shifted to her until they had her taken to hospital where she was admitted after being diagnosed with dysentery.
The doctors soon discovered that she also had meningitis. Before they cured her of meningitis, malaria joined the war.
Four days later Judy also died .Poor Joshua was left without any child just because of the false prophet.
When the 16 year old boy and her 18 year old sister entered the house, their father, Joshua, realized at once that something special had happened to them because they were unusually excited.
The widower whose wife had died of AIDS five years back was impatiently waiting for the good news because genuine excitement was rare in the poverty stricken Shangu City of Holi Island.
“Praise the Lord!” James shouted.
“Hallelujah! Glory to God!” Judy replied.
That even puzzled her father more. Had any of them gotten baptized? Had they been given money by any of their fellow worshippers that Sunday?
But the children passed through the sitting room where their father was but dashed straight to their individual bedrooms and reappeared with a tin of tablets each.
The children hurried outside where James threw the ARVs in the pit latrine before the two returned to the sitting room to tell their father the cause of their happiness.
Once the two children were in the sitting room again they could not keep the excitement to themselves any longer.
But they sung a Pentecostal church song before revealing the cause of their sudden joy.
“Daddy, we have been cured of HIV. We have been freed of HIV demon. We are HIV negative,” Judy revealed while James continuously nodded.
“What do you mean? Do you mean you have attended VTC and the results are negative? How possible is that anyway?” he wondered.
“What Judy has just said is the truth. We are okay starting today. We are fine,” James said confidently.
Joshua wondered what was going on. He had lived with HIV for twenty years. His two children were luckily alive since birth because of consistent ART medication .What were they suggesting when they said they were both suddenly HIV negative?
The children noticed their father’s impatience. They had to lift the lid of suspense without wasting any more time.
“Daddy, a prophet from God has prayed and exorcised us of the HIV demon .We are proudly HIV negative. We have as a result thrown the ARVs in the latrine,” James disclosed.
“What! Who is that prophet! Listen to me. That is crazy. ARVs are your lifeline. That is all. That prophet is a devil if he…”
“Daddy, do not call the man of God who has healed us of the demon of HIV a devil. He will curse you. He even prays for evil people to die,” Judy interrupted her father.
Two days later the family of three was watching television in the evening when James suddenly developed a fever .He plunged into violent fits five minutes later.
Because of his poverty, Joshua borrowed a wheelbarrow and wheeled his son to a nearby clinic where the condition of the patient became critical.
The clinic diagnosed him with tuberculosis before referring him to Shangu Teaching Hospital where he died after two days.
Mourners had just started to make burial preparations when Judy suddenly developed diarrhea.
Soon the disease worsened .Therefore the attention of the mourners shifted to her until they had her taken to hospital where she was admitted after being diagnosed with dysentery.
The doctors soon discovered that she also had meningitis. Before they cured her of meningitis, malaria joined the war.
Four days later Judy also died .Poor Joshua was left without any child just because of the false prophet.
Cruel aunt drives niece into prostitution
By Irvine Syazyombo
After the death of her husband, life was hard for Doreen who had a son and a daughter living in the capital city of Holi Island, Shangu. She was just a marketer who sold vegetables at one of the markets in the city.
Her daughter, Anne was taken away by her sister in law, Gertrude, when the girl was nine so that her auntie could take her school.
But when she started living with her uncle and auntie, life became austere and quite different from what she had imagined.
Her auntie laterally turned her into a slave. She would toil doing all chores without going to school until she was fourteen when a cousin, Judy advised her to go and live with her within Shangu City.
Anne was surprised to discover that Judy, 21, had been living independently with three other young ladies in a two room shack in one of the ghettoes of Shangu.
Food was readily available for Anne though she was not sure what her cousin and her housemates were doing to make money.
However, it did not take long before the other prostitutes started complaining that they were fed up with feeding a ‘fellow woman’ who was old enough to make her own money.
Anne was not comfortable at her young age of fourteen to be called a woman capable of making money. She wondered how she would make money.
“I started making money for myself at thirteen,” Judy revealed to Anne.
“How?” Anne wondered.
Judy revealed that they were sex workers before the women tipped Anne how to hook men and make money.
“But there are diseases.HIV…”
“What are you saying Anne?” Judy asked. “It is either you risk contracting HIV and make money or die of starvation. We rent his house you live in through sex.”
From that time on Anne became a sex worker at the tender age of fourteen in steady of her to be in school.
She would wear skimpy shorts, skirts and revealing blouses and stand at various road sides before unscrupulous men pulled in to driver to various hotels and lodges.
Five years later Anne went back to live with her mother in the same city of Shangu where she continued the lifestyle of a prostitute through which she supported the two children she had got through the indulgency.
However, one day an elderly man picked her up and drove to a lodge where he spent most of the night with her in bed.
But when she asked for payment, the man argued that he found no reason to pay her for the service because she had equally enjoyed sex with him.
Because she had desperate financial obligations at home, she uncontrollably insisted that she be given the money which prompted the elderly man to batter and drop her for dead ten kilometers outside the city in the bush.
In the morning a well wisher picked her up and drove her to the Shangu Teaching Hospital where she underwent treatment for her swollen face and painful sides.
After her treatment she stopped the dangerous vice and joined a women’s support organization that sponsored her until she became a nurse.
To this day she is a very good role model to women who are still trapped in the vice of recklessly sleeping with evil men of various characters.
She advises them to quit risking their lives and look for women’s organizations which can help them lead normal lives.
After the death of her husband, life was hard for Doreen who had a son and a daughter living in the capital city of Holi Island, Shangu. She was just a marketer who sold vegetables at one of the markets in the city.
Her daughter, Anne was taken away by her sister in law, Gertrude, when the girl was nine so that her auntie could take her school.
But when she started living with her uncle and auntie, life became austere and quite different from what she had imagined.
Her auntie laterally turned her into a slave. She would toil doing all chores without going to school until she was fourteen when a cousin, Judy advised her to go and live with her within Shangu City.
Anne was surprised to discover that Judy, 21, had been living independently with three other young ladies in a two room shack in one of the ghettoes of Shangu.
Food was readily available for Anne though she was not sure what her cousin and her housemates were doing to make money.
However, it did not take long before the other prostitutes started complaining that they were fed up with feeding a ‘fellow woman’ who was old enough to make her own money.
Anne was not comfortable at her young age of fourteen to be called a woman capable of making money. She wondered how she would make money.
“I started making money for myself at thirteen,” Judy revealed to Anne.
“How?” Anne wondered.
Judy revealed that they were sex workers before the women tipped Anne how to hook men and make money.
“But there are diseases.HIV…”
“What are you saying Anne?” Judy asked. “It is either you risk contracting HIV and make money or die of starvation. We rent his house you live in through sex.”
From that time on Anne became a sex worker at the tender age of fourteen in steady of her to be in school.
She would wear skimpy shorts, skirts and revealing blouses and stand at various road sides before unscrupulous men pulled in to driver to various hotels and lodges.
Five years later Anne went back to live with her mother in the same city of Shangu where she continued the lifestyle of a prostitute through which she supported the two children she had got through the indulgency.
However, one day an elderly man picked her up and drove to a lodge where he spent most of the night with her in bed.
But when she asked for payment, the man argued that he found no reason to pay her for the service because she had equally enjoyed sex with him.
Because she had desperate financial obligations at home, she uncontrollably insisted that she be given the money which prompted the elderly man to batter and drop her for dead ten kilometers outside the city in the bush.
In the morning a well wisher picked her up and drove her to the Shangu Teaching Hospital where she underwent treatment for her swollen face and painful sides.
After her treatment she stopped the dangerous vice and joined a women’s support organization that sponsored her until she became a nurse.
To this day she is a very good role model to women who are still trapped in the vice of recklessly sleeping with evil men of various characters.
She advises them to quit risking their lives and look for women’s organizations which can help them lead normal lives.
Sunday, 13 May 2012
He-goat leads christian band
By Irvine Syazyombo
The elastic hems of the skimpy tight truck suit trousers clung on the knees of the beautiful young ladies who were wriggling to the blaring music on television.
A man dressed in a long truck bottom and a leather jacket was also erotically shaking his waist between two of the four ladies who were wearing scanty white blouses.
Ten year old Lydia who was watching television alone in the lavish sitting room on Holi Island in the Pacific Ocean wondered what kind of music it was until she heard the name ‘Jesus’ mentioned in the lyrics.
“Mummy! Mummy! Come and watch this strange song”, she called her mother who was in the kitchen that evening preparing supper.
Her mother hurried to the sitting room where Lydia was glued to the screen watching the band wriggle erotically like secular musicians while repeatedly mentioning christ in the lyrics.
When she noticed her surprised mother’s presence, the girl asked whether the band was singing to please themselves or God.
“They think Jesus was as sinful as they are. That is why they are singing a song with christian lyrics while they are dressed like veteran prostitutes,” her mother Mangalita replied.
“Who is that man who seems to be the band leader?” the curious girl asked again.
“He is Guju Ndunduundu. He just sings to make money and not to praise God as he professes,” her mother replied.
“How does the Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of Lords, react to such debased praises? Can the almighty God like that?” the girl asked again.
“God is surely disgusted. Not even a wooden god can like that erotic dancing,” she replied.
“The point Christ and his disciples never misbehaved like that. Christ our Lord is our example as Christians,” she said.
Before she finished her sentence, the song chorused and the girls turned away from the viewers thereby displaying their under wear as their wriggling became sexier and sexier.
Suddenly Managalita switched off the TV set because it was too much for her to bear .She had seen enough and was sure that kind of music would corrupt her daughter’s morals if tolerated.
After she had switched off the TV set, Managalita wondered what the actual behavior of the so called gospel band was in private.
She was certain that Ndunduundu would sleep with the girls, as everybody in the country believed, yet he pretended to be holy by including Jesus in his lyrics.
She remembered that one of the girls had in fact disappeared for ten months before Holi Island found citizens found out that Ndunduundu had in fact impregnated her .The girl had gone to her village to hide until she had given birth.
So, to Mangalita, Ndunduundu ,was just a he-goat demonstrating on national television how he sexually abused the poor girls and many more vulnerable women in society.
She wondered what the world was going to be like morally if people could sink so low as to sing christian lyrics to attract audiences while wriggling like demon possessed sexual maniacs.
She pronounced shame on the he-goat gospel musicians and only switched on the TV three hours later hoping not to watch another disgusting so called christian song that Sunday evening.
The elastic hems of the skimpy tight truck suit trousers clung on the knees of the beautiful young ladies who were wriggling to the blaring music on television.
A man dressed in a long truck bottom and a leather jacket was also erotically shaking his waist between two of the four ladies who were wearing scanty white blouses.
Ten year old Lydia who was watching television alone in the lavish sitting room on Holi Island in the Pacific Ocean wondered what kind of music it was until she heard the name ‘Jesus’ mentioned in the lyrics.
“Mummy! Mummy! Come and watch this strange song”, she called her mother who was in the kitchen that evening preparing supper.
Her mother hurried to the sitting room where Lydia was glued to the screen watching the band wriggle erotically like secular musicians while repeatedly mentioning christ in the lyrics.
When she noticed her surprised mother’s presence, the girl asked whether the band was singing to please themselves or God.
“They think Jesus was as sinful as they are. That is why they are singing a song with christian lyrics while they are dressed like veteran prostitutes,” her mother Mangalita replied.
“Who is that man who seems to be the band leader?” the curious girl asked again.
“He is Guju Ndunduundu. He just sings to make money and not to praise God as he professes,” her mother replied.
“How does the Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of Lords, react to such debased praises? Can the almighty God like that?” the girl asked again.
“God is surely disgusted. Not even a wooden god can like that erotic dancing,” she replied.
“The point Christ and his disciples never misbehaved like that. Christ our Lord is our example as Christians,” she said.
Before she finished her sentence, the song chorused and the girls turned away from the viewers thereby displaying their under wear as their wriggling became sexier and sexier.
Suddenly Managalita switched off the TV set because it was too much for her to bear .She had seen enough and was sure that kind of music would corrupt her daughter’s morals if tolerated.
After she had switched off the TV set, Managalita wondered what the actual behavior of the so called gospel band was in private.
She was certain that Ndunduundu would sleep with the girls, as everybody in the country believed, yet he pretended to be holy by including Jesus in his lyrics.
She remembered that one of the girls had in fact disappeared for ten months before Holi Island found citizens found out that Ndunduundu had in fact impregnated her .The girl had gone to her village to hide until she had given birth.
So, to Mangalita, Ndunduundu ,was just a he-goat demonstrating on national television how he sexually abused the poor girls and many more vulnerable women in society.
She wondered what the world was going to be like morally if people could sink so low as to sing christian lyrics to attract audiences while wriggling like demon possessed sexual maniacs.
She pronounced shame on the he-goat gospel musicians and only switched on the TV three hours later hoping not to watch another disgusting so called christian song that Sunday evening.
corrupt minister wets his trousers
By Irvine Syazyombo
The problem was, every announcement from polling stations, the ruling party was clearly losing ground to the opposition leader whom they had consistently insulted as a homosexual, dictator, Grade Seven drop out, former police constable , hypocrite and a venomous snake.
Mubita, a former minister in the losing government who was sure the winning president would viciously take revenge against all his political detractors, was sitting alone while shivering like a malaria patient in his sitting room at his farm and glued to national television awaiting the declaration of the presidential winner.
At last the inevitable had to be announced at midnight. Yes, the ruling party had at last lost the presidential election to the opposition .Mubita was appreciably appalled as people poured into the streets of every town and city noisily celebrating the victory.
It was all like a dream because Mubita only realized when he rose from his expensive sofa that he had even wetted his trousers, probably immediately after their opponent had been declared winner by a court justice.
To him the last thing he wanted to experience was the loss of the ruling party to the opposition because he had ten sacks of money in his house.
Mubita was horrified because the dirty money had the potential to land him in prison if discovered by the security forces of the government the former regime had wounded with constant insults.
He had to be creative enough as to think of a smart and quick to keep the billions of money away from potential police access.
The man whose source of money was a secret remembered that people in olden days would bury money in the soil.
Probably that would work for him too. He thought harder and became more worried..But how would he do that? How big should that pit be in which he should bury all that cash.
Then he called his wife the night after the elections. He knew she was the only person he would confide in at the time. He would not whisper that even to his five children in the capital city.
“Darling, we are bereaved, “he said in a sorrowful tone.
His wife starred at him to read the closeness of the person who had died. Was it the former minister’s uncle who had been admitted to hospital for a week? Was it his aunt in the village who was on ARVs? But should the death of a relative make him wet his trousers?
“I know you are puzzled. Never mind. The bereavement is about those ten sacks of money in our bedroom”, he said miserably.
“That is our money. Who can sniff after it? We can buy whatever we want, anywhere anytime. In fact I was thinking of doing a bit of shopping again in London…”
“Let us be serious here. Those sacks of money are problems. That is the problem on my mind. You cannot bank laundered money unless you want to invite police and all those corrupt chaps who pretend to be clean,” he interrupted sadly.
“You have already said we are bereaved. The next thing is burial. We have to bury the money,” his wife suggested as Mubita nodded his head whose chin was on his right palm.
Mubita tied his two dogs to a tree in a lion, python, leopard and hyena infested game park in a far away province so that he could deceive his workers that the two caskets they were about to bury contained the dead dogs.
The money was given a dignified burial in the farm although workers were not given a chance to view the ‘dead pets’ in the expensive caskets.
Unexpectedly, two weeks later, one of the dogs, Bingo, arrived at the farm while Mubita was away in the country’s capital.
All the villagers gathered Mubita’s farm to stare at the supposedly dead dog which had seemingly resurrected from the dead.
Soon word reached the police that a dog at a former minister’s farm had resurrected from the dead, suspiciously the first ever animal to do that.
Once Mubita had heard that one of his dogs had reappeared, he decided to flee the country before police visited the money burial site.
But police seized him at a road block on his way to the air port and he wetted his trousers again before they detained him at a nearby police station.
Next day scores of police and reporters drove to Mubita’s farm to find out what he had actually buried at the site that had a tomb stone and writings, ‘Bingo and Jose rest in eternal peace’.
The host of individuals at the site, whose salaries were simple chewing gum change ,endlessly wished there would be a fleeting opportunity to grab a few notes each, but it was difficult.
The way the money in the two coffins was raised is a mystery that is yet to be understood by the public.
As for now, villagers are still waiting for the return of the other dog, Jose.
The greedy teachers' union
By Irvine Syazyombo
A string of Hammer, Benz and Pajero cars arrived within minutes of each other at the Intra-Continental Hotel car park.
Nine men and a woman dressed in exorbitant suits sauntered into the hotel, the venue of their meeting.
Once all the members of the Greedy Teachers Union national executive were seated, the treasurer, Beene, said the opening prayer.
After the opening prayer, union secretary, Mwewa, read the agenda:
1. Prayer
2. Teachers’ complaints
3Union members’ welfare
4. AOB.
After the secretary had read the agenda, the chairman, Hakuulu, led the others into discussing teachers’ complaints.
“The outstanding complaint among our members, the teachers is rural hardship allowance which they feel is insufficient. What does the house say?” Hakuulu queried.
“They are just being short sighted and stupid. In fact when we meet government for negotiations, we should advocate a big reduction in that allowance because teachers in rural areas do not need much money. The little they are getting is in fact excessive to them,” argued the treasurer.
On housing allowance the meeting agreed that teachers were supposed to live in places commensurate with their status.
“Why do they always give us problems? They must live in shanty compounds where they will pay less rent. If they want to go to low density areas, they have to start small things like sweet and chewing gums and make more money. We will not negotiate for a foolish increase in housing allowance,” argued Monica the only woman on the committee.
Before she finished speaking, a waiter went round serving each member with an expensive soft drink, snack and bottled water.
“The teachers are also saying we their union representatives should negotiate for car loans from government…”
“That is rubbish,” Hakuulu interrupted his secretary. “How many of those poor teachers know how to drive? Can’t they be realistic for once? Those in rural areas can continue travelling by ox cart and cycling. The urban teachers have to travel by public transport. They should not drive and compete with us,” he argued as others nodded with approval.
The secretary also reminded the committee of housing, acting, and responsibility arrears government owed teachers nationwide.
“Those old cases teachers have to learn to forget. That is history. Those who did not receive their arrears can go to hell. That is rubbish,” said Chisala the national publicity secretary.
Then the general secretary read the committee welfare item on the agenda that received a round of applause because everybody was passionate about selfish interest.
“Yes, the $1 000 000 loans each one got two years ago, I feel we should cancel that. It is a bad debt. We should start borrowing afresh. Whatever we have borrowed in the past from union coffers, we should not pay back. It is history…”
“Yees! Yeeees.Yes!” everybody interrupted jubilantly.
“And…and…” the chairman went on, “We have to establish a friendly atmosphere with government so that we can remain in these positions for a long time. Who knows, if the regime likes you, you may be the next ambassador somewhere! We know what we are doing. Teachers can continue barking.”
“Since we get plenty of money now from contributions by our teachers, I suggest that we increase sitting allowance from $10 000 to $20 000 per individual per sitting. If we go beyond lunch, we should have a lunch allowance of $30 000,” the chairman proposed as others jubilated.
The president also said they were not going to have any elections in the next ten years as they still wanted to continue enjoying money from teachers who would not know whether elections had taken place or not.
On that year’s negotiations, the union officials agreed that they would not ‘waste’ time arguing with government on behalf of their nationwide teacher-members because they needed enough time to spend the money they had raised from teachers’ contributions.
In concluding the meeting, the chairman urged the committee to stand by whatever had been agreed to so that they could continue enjoying the benefits of being national union members.
A string of Hammer, Benz and Pajero cars arrived within minutes of each other at the Intra-Continental Hotel car park.
Nine men and a woman dressed in exorbitant suits sauntered into the hotel, the venue of their meeting.
Once all the members of the Greedy Teachers Union national executive were seated, the treasurer, Beene, said the opening prayer.
After the opening prayer, union secretary, Mwewa, read the agenda:
1. Prayer
2. Teachers’ complaints
3Union members’ welfare
4. AOB.
After the secretary had read the agenda, the chairman, Hakuulu, led the others into discussing teachers’ complaints.
“The outstanding complaint among our members, the teachers is rural hardship allowance which they feel is insufficient. What does the house say?” Hakuulu queried.
“They are just being short sighted and stupid. In fact when we meet government for negotiations, we should advocate a big reduction in that allowance because teachers in rural areas do not need much money. The little they are getting is in fact excessive to them,” argued the treasurer.
On housing allowance the meeting agreed that teachers were supposed to live in places commensurate with their status.
“Why do they always give us problems? They must live in shanty compounds where they will pay less rent. If they want to go to low density areas, they have to start small things like sweet and chewing gums and make more money. We will not negotiate for a foolish increase in housing allowance,” argued Monica the only woman on the committee.
Before she finished speaking, a waiter went round serving each member with an expensive soft drink, snack and bottled water.
“The teachers are also saying we their union representatives should negotiate for car loans from government…”
“That is rubbish,” Hakuulu interrupted his secretary. “How many of those poor teachers know how to drive? Can’t they be realistic for once? Those in rural areas can continue travelling by ox cart and cycling. The urban teachers have to travel by public transport. They should not drive and compete with us,” he argued as others nodded with approval.
The secretary also reminded the committee of housing, acting, and responsibility arrears government owed teachers nationwide.
“Those old cases teachers have to learn to forget. That is history. Those who did not receive their arrears can go to hell. That is rubbish,” said Chisala the national publicity secretary.
Then the general secretary read the committee welfare item on the agenda that received a round of applause because everybody was passionate about selfish interest.
“Yes, the $1 000 000 loans each one got two years ago, I feel we should cancel that. It is a bad debt. We should start borrowing afresh. Whatever we have borrowed in the past from union coffers, we should not pay back. It is history…”
“Yees! Yeeees.Yes!” everybody interrupted jubilantly.
“And…and…” the chairman went on, “We have to establish a friendly atmosphere with government so that we can remain in these positions for a long time. Who knows, if the regime likes you, you may be the next ambassador somewhere! We know what we are doing. Teachers can continue barking.”
“Since we get plenty of money now from contributions by our teachers, I suggest that we increase sitting allowance from $10 000 to $20 000 per individual per sitting. If we go beyond lunch, we should have a lunch allowance of $30 000,” the chairman proposed as others jubilated.
The president also said they were not going to have any elections in the next ten years as they still wanted to continue enjoying money from teachers who would not know whether elections had taken place or not.
On that year’s negotiations, the union officials agreed that they would not ‘waste’ time arguing with government on behalf of their nationwide teacher-members because they needed enough time to spend the money they had raised from teachers’ contributions.
In concluding the meeting, the chairman urged the committee to stand by whatever had been agreed to so that they could continue enjoying the benefits of being national union members.
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